Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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