Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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