My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
