Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
