what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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