Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
