There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
