Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
