My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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