You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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