did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
