I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
