I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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