Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
