drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
