Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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