I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
