I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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