Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
