I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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