Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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