tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
