All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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