1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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