1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
