Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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