Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
