had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
