I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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