i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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