bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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