yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
