I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
