yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
