How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
