i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
