Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
