Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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