its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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