Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
