Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My life is pants optional.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
