If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
