I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize