I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
