i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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