Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
