I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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