Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
