But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
