The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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