Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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