11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
