Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
