Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
