i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Green mimosas i think yes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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