i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
