sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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