..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
