please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
