and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
