im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
