me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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