but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
