a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
